Concerts to avoid.

I was on the Ticketmaster website today, just to see what is going down, and let me tell you, there are some sad concerts coming to this city in the next little while. Here are the top five to avoid:

5. MC Hammer - No parachute pants, no love (p.s. Hammer has a blog).
4. DJ AM - Has everyone forgotten that this dude used to be in Crazytown? Unforgivable.
3.Rob Zombie - When is the last time you washed your hair? If your answer is anything under a year, you should not go to this concert.
2.Mariah Carey- Once a promising, fresh-faced young artist; her music is now reserved strictly for fat chicks to scream out "THIS MY JAM" when her songs begin to play.
1.Tool- Have you ever made out with anyone ever in your whole life (this includes that time that you were five and curious)? Do you think that worn white baseball caps and jean jackets are kind-of awful? If the answer is anything but "no" to both of these questions, then you really should re-think this concert.

~sarah p.